Taking the Plunge for the Lord

This week is one of those weeks ... the Lord is back at it again and is tugging on the strings of my heart. Now, it's harder and stronger than ever before. There seems to be a lot of resistance to me going to Fuller Seminary from different places. Some people are hesitant because it is a conservative seminary, others because it's not an ivory tower Episcopal seminary. But you know, when the Lord calls you to serve, you can do nothing but. The Lord is calling me to discernment and to prayer about me. I've spent a lot of time praying for others and their welfare, but now it's time for me to really reach back inside and listen to the Lord. So it's happening. I just wrote another six essays for the Fuller admissions process and this caused some serious reflection to happen again, especially because one of the questions was about my call to the ministry.
And here comes the crux of the dilemma (and unfortunately, this is something that would almost be unique to the Episcopalians) ... I discern that I am called to pastor but not necessarily to be a Priest. I don't expect anyone to really understand this, because even for Episcopalians this seems paradoxical. Nonetheless - it's my question now. Ugh, sometimes you wonder about the risks and about all the time and money this is going to cost, but then I hearken back to what the Lord says "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Mt. 16:24). I have to remember that as a Disciple, the Lord demands nothing less than total obedience to Him. So, I did it.
Yesterday, applications were submitted to Fuller Theological Seminary and we are just pending one more recommendation letter, and the transcripts are on their way from the colleges I went to. Now I'm writing my Cohort application. I can do no less. Yes, this is not complying with the bureaucracy of the Commission on Ministry, nor is this a hoity toity Episcopal seminary, but the Lord calls and I can do nothing but answer the Call to Serve. I sense that my calling is to pastor GLBT people and witness to them of the redeeming and transforming power of the Gospel. I can't help but cry in adoration and worship the Lord when I hear God's call on such an unworthy sinful servant like me.